Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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