Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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