did you get engaged???
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
