yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Drunk is not a location!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
