Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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