If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
