Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
