Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
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