it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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