I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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