Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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