About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
