It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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