Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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