We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
