You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
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