Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
