Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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