"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
