I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
