I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize