Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
When did angry sex become our thing?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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