I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize