This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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