just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
