wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
BRING THE BAGELS
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
