she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
