i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
