Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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