Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Acid is not a monday night drug
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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