You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We are all done wearing pants today
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
