we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
