Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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