if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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