The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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