OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
