College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
