I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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