brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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