Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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