Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
