If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
as a side note pls kill me
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
