I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize