you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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