in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
