I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
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