I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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