i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
