we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
