so that wasnt chicken after all
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
