I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
