why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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