I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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