she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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