i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
