I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
