mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
