garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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