yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
