Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize