All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
