Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
