so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
