mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
