im six kinds of drunk right now
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
