Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
